When I wrote this song, I was exploring the heartbreak emotion in a relationship.
I wanted to write about a familiar emotion that people could relate to. I thought to myself about the fleeting moments of love between two people; when the strength of any relationship is always tested during the struggling moments.
Yes, it is a sad song. But don’t we all write and create out of heartbreaking experiences?
To quote famous songwriter, John Prine, when asked if he could write happy songs since he mostly writes out of heartbreak and turmoil:
…usually when you are happy you don’t have time to write a song. Cause you’re enjoying life. But when you’re not happy, you have all the time in the world to go and write a song.
I truly connected with this.
I had been sad for many things that have happened in my life, and I think because I had not found a way to accept them or perhaps, I didn’t know how to deal with it … over time it affected my mental health.
Depression doesn’t happen overnight, and most people effectively bury it in their basements and continue on with routines in life as a distraction.
Yet it is constantly scratching at the door, trying to come out. It becomes annoying as it quietly irritates; and that frustration in turns pour into different parts of our lives as stress.
When I explored writing this song, I was somehow faced with this opportunity to open that door to the basement, and greet this sadness I had locked away for a long time.
Writing the song was the easy part. Recording and singing it wasn’t. However, I think a part of me became free that day in the studio. That part of me cried in front of my producer; and that part of me started to heal.
Sandcastle.
The song title was inspired by my memories of building sandcastles at the beach, and so I decided to bridge the heartbreak emotion with the feeling of grains of sand in our hands; bringing a sensory experience by metaphorically creating the story with sandcastles, beach and ocean vibes with ostinato piano and beautiful orchestral strings.
Our hearts may be the most wondrous organ in the human body but our hands best reflect the true actions of the heart and mind.
We can build amazing things with our hands, and we can also abandon or destroy with our hands.
This song is a story of heartbreak.
It is a story of knowing the person you love stays only for the best parts and gives you up at your worst; a story that makes you wonder what went wrong.
Can love withstand the trials of imperfection in the journey you plan to walk together?
“Do you only care?
When I am golden and fair?
Cause when I’m whole
I’m a sandcastle,
you mould and sculpt with your hands
but when I’m broken I am just sand
that you casually feel with your hands
I feel wasted, undecorated and washed away”
— Sandcastle by Esther Ling
Do you ever feel like he only cares when you’re golden and fair?
Do you ever feel like he lets you go when you no longer glow?
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